she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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