just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
