You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
