DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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