I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
