Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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