He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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