why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
