Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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