you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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