there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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