I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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