i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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