She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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