I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
