so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
