i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
