You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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