Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
