Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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