You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
