Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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