girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
