imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
