whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
