She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
