I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
