Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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