I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
