i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
