ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
