Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
