even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
