I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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