i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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