I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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