I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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