Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
