i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
BRING THE BAGELS
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
