all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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