omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
