I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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