He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
