Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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