By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How's work?
Spinning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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