Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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