hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
