guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
