Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
