I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
