Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
