it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
